Wash Your Hands!

WASH YOUR HANDS, WASH YOUR HANDS, PLEASE WASH YOUR FILTHY HANDS!!! You ask, "Why are you blogging about this?". It's really simple. I had an all too reoccurring experience this weekend that I have come to realize is too reoccuring. Before I go on, I want to say I'm going to start flaming some fools. I know I got some hate mail, and extra hate from the Ubuntu community on my last flaming article towards Steve Ballmer. I'm sorry to all of you who don't like it. This is how I get my agression out of my system so I don't actually go out and stab 4 or 5 or 120 people. Anyway, bear with me this relates to computers in the end. Just read through.

This weekend I was hanging out with my friend. We will call him Deviant Post Boy, or Deviant, or even DP for short. As I start delving into my history you will be hearing more about Deviant, and trust me there are reasons why I call him Deviant. Anyway, after going and chilling for a while and gulping down Guinness, we decided to go and walk around our favorite 24 hour store for old times sake. Well of course the Guinness did it's thing and made it's way to our bladders. So we headed to the restroom.

Sure enough some nasty fool walked right from the urinal out the door. He walked out like as if he was cool or something. He had this look on his face that said, "I'm a retard, and I'm proud to not wash my hands after urinating my beverage of choice." For reasons unknown.....I didn't say anything to him....in the past few years I have resorted to asking people to wash their hands before going out the door. I guess I was just so shocked as to how proud he looked to walk out the door without washing his hands.

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It was like as if this was his way of rebelling against his mother...even though he couldn't have been too much younger than me. I'd say 23 maybe? Still it was just insane. It was like God commanded him to do it or something. I was just shocked beyond compare. I mean, I usually make fun of hillbillies...but really this guy was just hillbilly supreme in the way that he just looked plain dumb.

Anyway, another guy was in their as well. I was going to say something to him, if he didn't wash his hands. First I want to point out, the guy who walked out the door was some skinny little fool who needed to be fed some pork sammiches (sammich = sandwich) or something. Yet, the guy who I was actually going to say something to was a large guy, who could have actually inflicted pain into me if he did actually get lucky enough to hit me.

The cool thing is he did wash his hands, which led to this conversation.

Me: Dude, thanks for washing your hands, I really appreciate it
Him: No problem, I couldn't imagine using the bathroom and not washing my hands.
Me: Too many people don't wash their hands, they completely nasty
Him: I know man, I mean how could you not wash your hands after you shit?
Me: I'm not sure, I guess they mama's didn't give them any home training....

I mean, come on if you are one of those people who don't wash your hands after you use the bathroom, can you please email me and explain to me why you don't do it? I mean, don't tell me it's because you don't think about it. Be honest, it's because of three possible reasons. You either are just too lazy, you are completely disgusting, or you get turned on by it somehow....which if you do get some type of sexual gratification from not washing your hands I think you really should be shot in the face with a shotgun.

What really gets me about this is that I used to work in a computer lab. I would go to use the bathroom and someone would walk right out of the bathroom without washing and start using the computers...it was disgusting. This one guy walked out of the stall. He didn't come from the urinal, he came from the stall. This guy was busting a dook (busting a dook = defecating...if you don't know what defecating is I suggest you go to dictionary.com to find out). I got angry because this guy wasn't going to wash his hands. So our conversation went like this.

Me: Hey, ain't you going to wash your hands?
Him: (Dumb look on his face trying to figure out what to say)
Me: You mean to tell me you are going to go out there, touch a public computer, and not wash your hands after busting a dook?
Him: (Dumb look on his face turns into glassy eyed look)
Me: Please wash your hands.

He washed his hands needless to say, but he wasn't the only one I ever asked to wash their hands in the school. The thing is, it is nasty. This isn't something that only guys do either. Women don't wash their hands either, oh no, I got some stories about women that are nasty.

My cousin was at her friend's house, cooking....her friend asked her for a tampon. My cousin gave her one. Her friend then proceeded to the bathroom and did her thing with the pad.....needless to say my cousin said she didn't hear any water turn on for that girl to be washing her hands. Also, my cousin didn't eat any of the food either. Bottom line, women are just as nasty as men with this one.

I mean seriously. Why? Why can't these people wash their hands? I know someone had to have told them. I mean these people should be up for the award of me hitting them in the face with a sledge hammer for not washing their hands.

Oh yes, I know far to well that there are people out there right now thinking, "Who is this guy to criticize if someone washes their hands or not?" Well if you want to know and think you are so smart for wondering. I bet you don't wash your hands. If you do wash your hands, think about what you could be touching if someone who didn't wash their hands touched something before you touch it.

I'm sorry, the idea of sitting down at a computer and touching the boo boo particles (boo boo = fecal matter) that fell off of someone's hand disturbs me. This is why I ask people to wash their hands. So if you think I'm wrong for point this out, I hope you eat someone's boo boo particles. I hope you get them in your mouth and you swish them around and enjoy the flavor. Because everyone gets boo boo on their hand every now and then when they are wiping. So have fun.

For the people who don't wash their hands. I hope you die, I hope it's me who gets to kill you, I hope that I get powers from God and I can bestow upon you diseases that have never been heard of, all because you don't wash your hands. You are nasty, and filthy...really you are no better than an animal. You might as well be licking your own booty clean instead of wiping. I don't want you near me, and I don't want to know you exist.

All I ask is that if you are out in public. Please wash your hands. If you choose not to wash your hands at home, then just don't invite me to your house.... just please wash your hands in public. Please?...it's all I ask.

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Wash Your Hands!